A deep dive into the do’s and don’ts around the fire.
Some rules were made to be broken—like "No dessert before dinner." Let’s be honest - if there’s a warm Malva pudding fresh out of the oven, are we really expected to wait? What if there isn’t enough to go around? I feel that it’s just survival of the fittest. You deserve at least two pieces, and your little cousin has been eyeing it like the tiny vulture you know he is.
Or what about the “No double-dipping” rule? Look, we’re all family here (except for that one random friend who showed up and nobody knows who invited him). If you double-dip, that just means you own the dip now. And let’s be real - if someone has an issue with it, they should’ve gotten to it first.
But while some rules are flexible, some are sacred. And breaking them at a braai? That’s just asking for chaos. While most of these seem obvious, we all know that guy who always manages to break them. So, this is for him. And if you don’t know that guy… I hate to break it to you, but you are that guy, so pay close attention.
Rule #1: No Meat Meddling
- Respect the Braai Master
Listen carefully: Hands. Off. The. Tongs. No sneaky flips. No repositioning the boerewors. No acting like you suddenly know more about cooking than the person who has been standing over the braai, sweating, while you’ve been nursing your beer in the shade.
And if the Braai Master has a Donkey Long Tong, or the Donkey Combo? Step. Back. They didn’t bring that long, glorious tong just for show. Everyone knows the unspoken rule - the longest tong wins. Respect the hierarchy. Too many hands in the fire lead to confusion, and confusion means burnt steak, undercooked chicken, and the kind of awkward silence that only bad food can bring.
(The Jack Sack - The Ultimate braai kit)
Rule #2: One Hand Flips, One Hand Sips
A braai isn’t just cooking, it’s an art. And like all great artists, the Braai Master needs balance - one hand on the tongs, the other on a well-earned drink. This isn’t optional; it’s part of the braai process. The drink somehow enhances their abilities. And while science may not back this up, generations of braai-goers certainly do.
If you want that meat cooked to perfection, keep the Master’s drink topped up. A parched Braai Master is a distracted Braai Master. And a distracted Braai Master? That’s how you end up with dry chops and disappointment.
(Donkey Long Tong 80cm - For the fire)
Rule #3: No Backseat Braaiing
- The Braai Master is Always Right
They’re called the Braai Master, not "the guy flipping the meat." That means no arguing, no "Actually, I think it needs another five minutes," and definitely no peeking over their shoulder giving them unsolicited advice. If your steak is overcooked? No, it’s not - it’s exactly how you wanted it. If your boerewors is still pink in the middle? That’s how it should be. The Braai Master is never wrong. You chose them - now eat what they give you.
(Donkey Long Tong - for all your braai needs)
Final Thoughts
And there you have it - three simple but non-negotiable rules for every braai.
If you’re the Braai Master, we salute you. You endure the flames, the heat, and the unsolicited advice from That One Uncle, all in the name of a good time all while carrying the weight of our stomachs on your shoulders.
And if you’re not the Braai Master? Show some respect. Keep your tongs to yourself, keep the drinks flowing, and please stop questioning the meat.
Now, do the right thing—send this to that one person who needs to see it. You know exactly who they are.
